Pain

Did you ever love someone a lot until you don't know why? I'm suck as crap on Love but when I do love people I do with all my heart. It was a boy, who stole my heart and take a whole part of it. I never been dating with anyone before cause I don't believe in Love ad all I know Love is for older people not me! NOT FOR A KID LIKE ME, but he came and broke all the gate I built up. He's my schoolmates at senior high, a guy who I never think I will fall for. To be honest at first time I met Him, I just like okay he's good looking but I don't care. I DO NOT LIKE HIM. But HE DID IT. Make me fallen until can not waking up, he's the one I've been looking for so long. He comforts me, and that's the harder part! I do not know is it dating or not but we've been liking each other for about 2 years without any commitment and when January 2014 we realized that why we've been running on reality that we need each other? but destiny not in our side, his ex still want him and I should dealing with it. It is like you both love each other, being together, talked about love but there's a gap between you both. You know how hurts when seeing them together while you know His hearts is yours? It hurts. Isn't it? But I'm trying to survive, I play a role as a wonder woman, laughing, happy, but then fall a sleep crying. After 3months being so stupid, May 4th 2014 I decided to ended it up. I'm sure that I need stop all this bullshit and try to move on, I left Him without any explanation, I do left Him hanging. Then we graduated, I moved to Jakarta and I do not know about Him anymore, I just heard about Him from others but trying to not give attention. I also know that he finally getting back with his ex and I'm just like I wished you both Happy, I tried hard to move on and I almost sucessfully but then......... I FAILED! December 23rd 2014 after 7 month never met and talked and dissapear I finally met him. He still the same, and the hardest and most painful is His feeling towards me still the same. You know what sucks? When you already moving then He came back. I do still have same feeling as you, but I do not know where should I start? I talked to him like there's nothing happen, our friend even trying to catch we up but I'm just terrified. I've been collected the messes you make, please enough. January 1st 2015 at 4.00 am perhaps, when he drove me back, you know what's hurts? My heart crying, but I can not do any better. Mungkin memang benar katamu sayang, "aku akan berhenti mencintaimu sampai si bisu berkata kepada si buta bahwa ia melihat si lumpuh berjalan"